Delirium

The Delirium (c)
Current mood: sick
Category: Life

I am sick. I have a cold. It started with a sore throat. Then it took my nose off my face so I can not breathe. Thank G-d for thinking ahead and making it possible to breathe through my mouth. Then of course this cold looked around and thought what is this long tube structure and where could it go, perhaps to the gold fields or diamond mines? So the cold is now visiting my bronchial tubes with its diamond picks and gold panning equipment. The cold likes it there and has sort of "put down roots" building soddy huts with wax paper windows. How do I know this? Because when I cough it feels like someone is ripping swaths of painted on super glue off the sides of my lungs. Like the mucinex commercial, evil globs in baggy pants are watching TV down there with the remote in one hand and the other hand tucked into the waist band of their pants like Ed Bundy, remember him? Was he the original mucus or what?

Wherever I sit, I take a box of Ultra Puffs with me, and start building a very artistic pile of sodden tissues. The pile threatens to suffocate me in the two hours it takes to watch a boring movie through my reddened eyes, and I am forced to save myself by gathering them all up and plodding to the waste basket to throw them away.

I made some chicken soup tossing in some carrots, potatoes, onion, parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme (if it was good enough for Simon and Garfunkel, who am I to argue?), but alas it tasted like water, only to me though. Everything I have tasted since this cold has tasted like water, even Samoa girl scout cookies...water. Now I understand why Dennis Hopper was so PO'd in the movie, "Water World." Have you ever noticed that the bad guys in that movie are called "smokers?" I thought they were called that because they destroyed all the little floating civilizations they came across. It was my granddaughter who set me straight. She said, "No, Katie, the bad guys are the only ones who smoke cigarettes." I paid attention after that, and, you know what? She is right. Ah, a little political correctness in the movie "Water World." I guess it had to have at least one bit of seriousness in it, did it not? I shook my head. I love this silly world we live in, I really do. Everything in it has become comic relief to me. I just popped one of those cough drops in my mouth....you know, those ones that are made to rip off the top of your head? It tastes like water.

I am watching a show on the History Channel on Mormon Crickets and locusts; so I guess things could be worse. We did get a foot of snow last night in NY so let me see.....viral cold and locust vs. viral cold and a foot of snow.....hmmm...tough choice....could be a viral cold, a foot of snow and locusts? That would suck, especially because there is no vegetation visible here for the locusts to eat so they would eat my three-story, turn-of-the-century, wooden house. Yes, they would. I heard it on this History Channel program. Then I would have a viral cold, be surrounded by wing-flapping locusts AND be SITTING IN a foot of snow....oh yeah, they say with the wind chill tomorrow it will feel like 5 degrees above zero too.

Thank you for reading this message from the delirium of a wicked cold. I have to stop writing soon, because an artistic pile of sodden tissues is beginning to build on my desk top.

My darling friend, John, has invited me to his house where he swears he will make me soup and grilled cheese sandwiches while I recuperate. He is so brave. The mining mucus men do not scare him in the least, although he might think differently when they infiltrate his lungs looking for that next strike...greedy, greedy mucus men. I think maybe John is Dante Gabriel Rossetti reincarnated and I am Lizzie Siddal reincarnated or vice versa. I am reading Lizzie's biography in the throes of my illness; so I am thinking all kinds of odd and bizarre things. Forgive me. Sanity may return when my temperature is normal again.

Like the aliens in the movie "War of the Worlds" I am tottering with an Earthly infection. My immune system is pumping the machine guns and bazookas at the invader. He is a tough one. I can't remember the last time I felt so congested and sick.

Help!!!!! I am smothering in this pile of tissues. Okay, need to "clean up" Ya'll have a good night. Remember to wash your hands, keep your hands away from your face and use that hand sanitizer stuff after you leave any public place. It didn't work for me, but what else can one do? Katie sneezes.